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For so long, my remedy was simple,
yet for so many, it was horrifying.

Cutting was my escape,
my medicine.

When I was angry,
I'd slash at my wrists,
without even realizing it.

I've hated myself for so long,
and my cuts made it all better,
for a little while at least.

I had friends, had love,
but by then it was too late.

It was no longer an escape,
a cry of pain or anger,
it had grown worse.

Goes away for awhile,
and I think it's gone for good,
but it always comes back.

I've been to hospitals,
talked to counselors,
but it doesn't help anymore.

Will I ever be free?
Will I always want to cut,
want to feel the stinging pain?

I don't want to hurt myself,
but sometimes it's so hard to fight.

Not because I'm angry,
not because I'm hurting,
so why is it back?

It used to be simple,
something I'd do to release my anger or pain.

But now, I don't know why,
but all I want is that feeling.

The peaceful numbness
whenever the blade cuts cleanly,
drawing blood.

Don't even feel the pain,
don't even care if it bleeds.

What's wrong with me?
Why do I crave something so dangerous,
why do I feel this way?

Help me understand this,
because all I want is to bleed.