the sun shone on me

like the greeting of the birds

while at some plaza—

seated while i told her how

that day was so beautiful

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patriciajj's picture

Brilliant wordcrafting!

Brilliant wordcrafting! There's so much depth in this little packet of joy; just love how you wove a significant moment around simple pleasures, that in your talented hands became profound. Perfect. 

tula's picture

Grateful, honored!

It was unbelievable!  Oh my!  It was really quite astonishing to get feedbacks like these, especially from real poets.  I'm actually just being poetic, as I'd like to think of why I also like to be here (special thanks to Jason Minton).




Even being here is quite surreal.  At particular times, it is really quite surreal how I end up making these types of poems (its theme emphasized).  Nonetheless, I thank you so much for your comment, patriciajj.  I apologize for not being able to log back in/check back in my account right away, yet I did so in the soonest possible time just to tell you how I am so thankful for reading my poem.  I am really grateful that you leave me such a great comment.  It is true that I have been profoundly inspired while doing this, which—by the way—must be the reason for its unaffectedness (i.e., not being an affected poem).  I'm actually trying out tankas, or even haikus, for now.  As these are quite shorter to make & where I find it more suited to whenever I readjust my schedules as an informal worker or for when I often take a break from odd-jobbing.  Therefore, I am able to slip this in, some of my poetic expressions witnessed here, crunched within the structure of the original Japanese poems (yet also by using English, that which I'm still learning more about while appreciating the language/grammar itself, which is my second language, via this wonderful platform).  Have a wonderful evening/morning, patriciajj!  I also read some poems of yours, whenever I am free (because most of these are done on the fly, in-between periods, or when I'm done with certain tasks, especially while I hold multiple jobs & or attending to various personal errands, art-related projects, etc.).  It was just unbelievable.