A LITTLE LAMB HAS MARY

A LITTLE LAMB HAS MARY

(T. Beechey)

My owner's name is Mary,her skin is soft and fine

Everywhere she seems to go,I follow right in line

I am Mary's pet,you see,they say I am a lamb

That's just what they call me,I don't know what I am

I'm soft and white and fluffy...or,at least,I used to be

I'll tell you a little later what my Mary did to me

And you won't believe it,you'll think I'm fibbing you

But I swear upon my mutton chops that all I say is true

Like I said,I'm Mary's pet and a lamb is how I'm known

How I came to be that is recognized by God alone

I had no say in the matter,not even with my name

God just said "You're a lamb",I said "Thanks all the same!"

This girl I have named Mary,she's such a lovely lass

Right smack at the crack of dawn,she lets me nibble grass

When the sun's overhead,she ties ropes around my neck

But sometimes she drops her end and then I run like heck!

She took me to this place she goes where other kids had been

But,for some reason,I wasn't allowed --- they said it was a sin

But Mary took me anyway,for their rules she didn't care

And they all thought it funny that I had come in there

And,boy,did we have fun in that place she called a "school"

We played games and ran around...man,it was cool!

But soon the time had come for both of us to leave

After I accidentally chewed off her teacher's sleeve

And I knew what was coming,I'm a lamb but not a fool

When we got home,ol' Mary got out her little tool

She got me in a headlock and sat upon my chest

In between both her knees,my skull was tightly pressed

Now,I don't mind confessing that I was scared to death

As I felt upon my face her hot and panting breath

She flipped a switch on the tool,its blades began to whirl

And I kept thinking to myself Oh,Lord,have mercy,girl!

She clipped and snipped and cut and what a sight it was to see

As,on and on,she hacked --- in fact,it was a travesty

As every strand and follicle,to the floor they fell

Till the color of the carpet,you could no longer tell

So,that's my side of the story and I'm glad it's finally told

After so many tellings,her version's grown quite old

And ill feelings toward my Mary? At the thought,I am appalled

Even though I'm freezing cause I'm now completely bald!