The Great Pretender

So I have to be honest about everything even if I don't see the point in being honest when it doesn't matter. I never did get why it is so important to be completely honest..I don't lie much I just leave out details a lot of the time. I've been restlessly lately because being a perfectionist that I am everything has to be perfect ..and being the a bit of a control freak everthing has to be right in my life ..but that's impossible so lately I've been throwing myself into meaningless task that weren't that important to begin with because I don't want to face the truth because the truth hurts and I don't want to feel scorned by the pain. I'm just trying to move on..fake it until I make it. School starts back tomorrow and I need a clear head for clear judgement. Unfortunately a higher power wants me to be honest about everything even the stuff that I din;t think was even worth being honest about or would even matter. I wanted to create an illussion of happiness decieving yes but I have a good imagination and took some acting classes so it isn't that hard to pretend and to portray a role. I wanted everything to look perfect ..the way it should be the way I thought it should be becuase U got tired of life swallowing me up and consuming me of all that I have and at the end of day left with nothing to show for my all of my effort and hard work. Because of that, I created a illussion kind of like make believe just so I could get lost in something that had hope and meaning. Maybes that's why I liked acting so so much in high school. Anyways now im back to reality..back to school tomorrow and back to no hope, or meaning fighting an endless battle that I'm ready to just walk away from with my hands in air. 









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allets's picture


lives in the head. Perfection is a dream - lying - I do, but that higher power keeps intervening. High School is a tough time but does not have to be. Acting - yeah, life is like that - but hypocracy vs authenticity meet when mind and actions are in perfect balance - Enjoyed reading - had to think about some stuff because of it. Thanks for the big share - Lady A




tovelofan1's picture

Thanks I wrote it awhile back


I wrote it awhile back T