He Loves me Not

He wants me to write my heart away as he tries to pick up the pieces. 

His hearts been fumbled too but he sees this act as needed. 

He wants to hear my thoughts, call to check in, and offers prayer and encouragement. 

I mean brotha offered to read me scriptures

Guess my soul just rumbles out for nourishment.

Yet he sees I am hung up on the past 

Like the bully of love pulled my underwear over my head and placed me on a lockers display.

Sad to say my current situation seems to feel the same way. 

Abandoned by my loved one and now mortally wounded for all to see.

Remaining humble though humiliated and the jokes still on me. 

I chase and stop short of love just as I think I reach victory. 

He laughs his heart isn't as battered as mine so I try to make it seem like I'm fine. 

In and out of fits of pure rage. 

I slap on this smile my true feelings a blaze. 

I love you I scream as I crash into the waves. 

Literally drowning in my own tears and sorrow the best he can do is wave. 

Yet this man wants to take all that pain away. 

I won't let him...

Nothing wrong with him to the naked eye but my hearts too torn to give a passers-by. 

Please leave me in my land of pain and torture. 

Wanting what only wants to make sure I stay around. 

Eternally bound as loves circus clown.

I pray and wait. Submit. And wait. Cry and wait. One day he will see how much I love him. 

But this man wants to make sure I'm ok. Tina no Kentina you can't stay on this aisle of pain. 

Please come with me let me show you all love isn't the same. 

But my mind keeps me stuck in this lane. 

Hope. God I hope one day he can love me the same. God maybe if I pray harder or play harder I can even out the game. 

Don't let me be stupid. 

Then comes the anger again. 

I did everything I knew how. Never any complaints. Gave you my heart, my mind, my body and you trashed me like yesterday's left overs. I am damaged in a way no one can fix but you or God. 

He wants to try but this is too tough of a job. 

I still pray you come around. 

And he still wants to come to town but I also prayed that I would get over you. 

If you can't learn to love me maybe this is long over due.

Never knew a love like this and never want to again. 

So maybe it is time to make a new friend. 

Maybe it's time that not only the chapter but this book ends.

The most unsatisfying this about this is that I still hold out hope. 

Hope my family will be United, and he will love me unconditionally the way he lied over and again that he always would. 

Look at that I turned you into past tense. 

Maybe now my heart will turn you over to the side of the past fence. 

Make room for new occupancy. 

This smile is destined to be brought out by a true love. 

Now whether knowing if it's him or you is not in my part. 

God has a plan and I will leave him in control of my heart.

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Sassylass's picture

Nice write

Welcome ! A very nice first post!


Poetry is passion,imagination & soul mixing together....