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We’re up in Jessica’s room
Feeding her a bottle.
She starts gagging and spewing out formula.
I hand Mama a spit rag,
Looking nervously at Jessica.
My baby sister was fighting a battle,
The battle of cancer.
I look up at Mama and say
“Mom, she’s gonna die.”
Mama looks down at me,
And disagrees:
“No honey, she’s not gonna die.
The doctors have started her on new medicine,
They believe it’ll help.”
I shake my little 5 year old head,
And with sadness in my eyes,
I look up at my baby sister and say,
“No mom. No. She’s gonna die.”
Mama doesn’t say anything else.
She knows how fragile I am.
Later Mama would always say that
An angel had told me that Jessica would die.
Next day,
While I am at school,
And Mama is at the hospital with Jessica,
Mama says goodbye to Jessica.
She has lost her battle to cancer.
Mama closes Jessica’s eyes,
While her own eyes shed some tears.
After school,
Mama tells me that Jessica has died.
Understanding immediately,
I start crying.
Later,
At the funeral,
No one can get near my baby Jessica.
I am sitting in front of her coffin.
Just watching her and crying.
Maybe I was hanging on to hope,
Hope that God would let my Jessica stay.
Mama finds Naomi,
My little sister,
Twirling around in the pews.
Just watching her dress,
Watching it poof out.
Mama tells her Jessica that has gone.
Naomi stops,
Looks up,
And asks;
“Can I have some ice cream?”
She doesn’t get it.
For years after,
I’d wake up and run to her room.
Forgetting that she was gone.
I would remember lying next to her at night,
Just comforting her,
Not wanting to leave her alone.
When her machine would beep,
I would be the first to hear.
Yelling to Mama,
She’d come in and fix what was wrong.
Jessica would laugh when I was sad,
Trying to make me smile,
So that I would forget about the sadness,
And be happy like her.
She was always cheered-up when she saw me.
In the hospital,
Whenever Jessica had a bad day,
The nurses would have someone bring me up,
To Jessica’s room,
From the children’s playroom.
As soon as Jessica would see me,
Her face would light up,
And her day would be better.
Now me and her,
Her and I,
We two shared a special bond.
Nothing could break it.
But one thing that haunts me now.
Is that I never got to say goodbye,
Even at the funeral, I was just waiting.
Just sitting there waiting for God to let me keep her.
But it hurts that I didn’t say goodbye.
So now’s my chance.
Even though you lived a short life,
You lived a cheerful life.
Never letting anything keep you down.
So, my dear Jessica,
Goodbye.
I miss you.