Anonymous
and the sun begins to set into its bed on the distant horizon
just as monotanously common as it begins every set of words i call a poem
almost as tedius as my feeble attempts to disguise the saline streams
or for that matter, keep them off the page
keep these already hurting words from bleeding
just like i used to do externally when i couldnt take anymore internally
just like i now do internally because theres nothing else to do
you didnt want me to know the world you came from
instead you send me there
with your weighted words
your very facial features and books worth of memories
remember that year, maybe it was kindergarten
remember all those books, maybe 300
remember how proud you were
never forget thats why it was done
remember all the work i did with that crazy man
who showed me more acceptance than you
remember all the extra tasks
the "challenge" projects
the goals i set but hardly reached
the things i dreamed but you ignored
sixth grade, when i said i read
twice as many books as i actually did
i bet you didnt know it was just to see you smile
how about my very first sacriligious F, on an assignment i cant quite name
it probably hurt me more than you, despite what you may believe
remember when you took my guitar
remember the night you said i couldnt play
i remember that as the night i learned how property and possession meant shit
my 700 washingtons prize taken away
i remember when you "changed your mind" and how i was too fucked up to play
do you remember
if you dont, you have it on tape
remember the lessons you taught me about honesty
the ones where you brutally shattered my hopes and dreams
the ones where you made me feel like nothing
and then my favorite lesson, the one where you denied it all
well, maybe ill try to teach you a lesson this swing through an 18 hole round
with a $60 weekly income, you cant afford a place to crash
a place to learn
a way to further your life
and surprise, surprise,
when my parents rake in six digits per painful calendar
and the government doesnt recognize my ethnic past
a scholarship is nowhere in my uno deck
and my poker deck will never get me far
its as cut up and broken as my beyond 18 year old hand
and sorry im no eric clapton
sorry me and the boys never made it as far as the stores
sorry for trying to find something that made me feel alive
other than the look in moms eyes
which would surely only last until you opened your mouth
and a friend once told me
it will be okay
just follow your dreams
i hope hes better with his daughter than you were with me
cause he doesnt have much in the way of money, but you cant buy love
yet ive never met a man with a bigger heart
and that is all that should have mattered from the start
im the son of a military brat
the son who has a war no army has ever seen going on inside his heart
every second
of every minute
of every hour
of every day
and so on
and so on
you should feel so proud
because, for reasons ill never know
through all those so ons
through all those shattered dreams and broken hearts
through all the lack of faith that youll just deny anyway
i tried to be something for you
i tried to give you something to be proud of
i tried to get past your pessimistic way of finding something i still did wrong
i may have gotten this disease from mom
but the pessimism
the war
and every ounce of this pure tragedy
i somehow inherited from you
and as the sun goes to bed
it always rises proud in the morning
but as i fall into this ocean of tears everynight
its a miracle i dont drown as the tide comes in
but you couldnt smile if i swam ashore
if i outlived each tide
because, like a great man from your time, so you cant say you cant relate,
neil young once said, "you are like a hurricane"
you are my hurricane
forever keeping me from shore
ok....
WORTH THE READING