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Passing out
Blank eyes that look in no direction,
The objects they fixate on knock me out,
I can’t remember what I swallowed,
How much, how long ago,
Nothing is clear,
All I know is nothing at all.
Such a pretty little box, to be unlocked,
And emptied out,
Why, what gain? Taken in vain,
Taken to pass out.
Left peaceful, but not even close to death,
But I must have known that from the very start.
I must have measured it up to make sure,
I’d still end up with a pulse inside my wrist,
And a beat inside my heart.
But why?
Why not take the twenty more, and end it all,
Instead of passing out limply on the bed,
Why not end the sorrow in my life,
And all the sad thoughts in my head.
Shivering little girl, with no courage to see it through,
I know what I could take, and I know what it could do,
So scared of the end of life, and whatever might happen next,
Its not what could happen that frightens me,
Its what might not happen,
Its the blankness I can’t face.
So I’m left here with a throbbing head,
A half empty bottle by my side,
For now I’ll just have to be satisfied,
With the tranquillity I owned,
Just for a few minutes,
Just this fear inside and an ache to die,
Until a day when I'm able to go through with it.
