Today I felt like my world would end,
I felt like nothing could make ammends,
I looked at me and wished for more,
I do that such a lot these days,
Awake alone, asleep alone,
Nowhere feels like home,
No-one feels like home,
I cannot speak, it breaks my heart,
Theres no way of remembering, how it all did start,
Theres no way of knowing when it might finish,
I can’t imagine that this feeling could ever diminish,
How it would feel to not feel this,
How would I function, how would I exist?
To never need to crawl on the ground,
What a treat, maybe I could even sleep…
I’m still the person I always was,
I'm not sure if that is good or not,
I always thought I knew myself so well,
I guess that with time and with age I forgot,
I’m so confused,
And I can’t even think what the confusions about,
I am just a person made without logic,
Constructed with guilt, and panic and doubt,
There is no structure to the things I build,
With every resurrection I am deeper in,
More confused, so dizzy, my mind further afield…
Don’t feel like I’ll ever sleep again,
I lie here still, as if I were ill,
Its just that there seems no use in getting up,
I don’t wanna go outside and see the world,
I feel like I’ve already seen enough,
Its so warm in here,
Out of this cocoon, the only things I feel
Are anxiety and fear,
I know I don’t quite measure up to those around me,
I can see them eyeing me and frowning at me,
And I’m unable to cope with the inadequacy
They force me to feel,
And I know that in some way they always will,
Yet I’m still here, just the same as before,
Maybe I have more courage than I thought,
Or perhaps its the opposite, and I’m simply scared,
I’ve often considered exiting this world,
But I’ve felt too unsure and unprepared,
At night I lie in bed afraid,
In a bed that’s been for days unmade,
I’m unkept, my dreams are scarce,
Sometimes I panic, yet sometimes I don’t care,
Face down I think about the people I see,
I hear their voices, they talk to me,
I can daydream at night for as long as I like,
My imagination is all I have to keep me company,
The next day always comes too fast,
Nothing ever seems to last,
I live too underjoyed, I live so slow,
As I drift I let my mind embrace its characters,
Then on sleepless nights I can lie and watch them grow…