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Mile
you break my body.
you watch it turn.
you destroy my memories.
you watch them burn.
you hear my heart beat.
you rip me apart.
(you know where to pull.)
(you know where the seams are.)
you spit on me.
you watch me squirm.
you split my heart
and watch me learn.
i learn how to give up.
i learn how to die.
i know what it really is to say goodbye.
then i cry.
i shake.
i break.
i make your world jump
with joy,
because to you
i am just an emotional toy.
so goodbye to you.
just let me be.
i will walk away and never look back,
so you won't have to point out everything i lack
again.
well, i read the poem without all of the 'you's and 'i's. i don't like it...i feel like it'd be all more like a bunch of commands. maybe it's just me who thinks this way, but it shouldn't matter, because this poem is me...
conclusion, the 'i's and 'you's will stay. sorry, tyler, to disagree with you, but i do. later, oven mitt head. haha. joking, tyler, joking...
I've already told you how this poem has made me feel.
i will walk away and never look back,
so you will not have to point out everything i lack
The nonchalant rhyme, I like. But I think there's one too many 'will's in the two lines.
I really think that this whole thing would roll off the tongue better without the i's and you's. Just as fragments; poetry doesn't need to be in sentence form--sentences only express a pause in emotion. But since this is just a string of emotion tied together, the i's and you's aren't really necessary. So something like...
break my body.
watch it turn.
destroy my memories, love--
watch them burn.