How am I supposed to

think what you’ve done

is unforgivable


when I did

the same thing?


I’m supposed to resent it



But I remember

how the scalding

of touch

can make everything fade.


I was searching,

desperate to be wanted,

feel in a way

that didn’t involve words

or hearts

or hard conversations,

thinking the word deserve

didn’t go both ways.


Thinking I deserved a better

I couldn’t find here


but she

did not deserve



It’s like the pull of


was more tempting than

what I had


and if you felt

like that too


if you’ve felt like that

for half the time I’ve been alive

and buried it all in me


maybe this is a

good thing


maybe it is time

our house collapsed.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 5/26/19

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A Lament of Regret

Or an acknowlegement that all things end. - sad, slc