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Nothing Lasts Forever
Like an ocean breeze
this will pass swiftly
through the unscathed canyons of your mind
where you hoped all that lingers
would never see sunlight.
But these winds will rattle the dust
off hidden nooks with solemn thoughts
you assumed would remain safetly undiscovered.
And they won't miss a corner
the way waves crash over your feet
when the tide is high
and your guard is low.
Watch and you will see
how rocks become sand,
proving that nothing lasts forever;
your qualms are no exception.
So when you find yourself
swimming against a current
up to your neck in fear
it is not the time for tears
or the acknowledgement of
injustice.
To find your way out,
float like a message in a bottle,
trusting the water
to keep you afloat
in a heavy sea of doubt,
trusting the breeze
to polish your sharp edges
and trusting all these things,
the storms and the sunshine,
to take you somewhere better.
I like the poem
Straight up.
KS
I like your poem, although
I like your poem, although the varied number of lines per verse, (in this particular piece), as well as a few overly extended lines hinder both appearance and style. Be it free verse or not, a bit more time spent on elements of stable formation surely would not hinder anything. You cannot eliminate all the difficulties of a good composition by simply extending line length. Any intelligent or experienced reader will not be deluded, and whether intended or not – it seems structurally lethargic. Sometimes bad visual presentation can make a good poem mediocre. Finally, your explanations at the ending of your poems make one wonder if you yourself fear the abstractions? Indeed you have some “very nice” images and hijacking pensiveness in this poem. Still, (personally I feel) you should allow the reader to fill his/her own mind with the best cadences, and an “initial explanation” that their own thought processes render, i.e. unless someone were to ask you. There is nothing better than a poem that allows a reader to dreamily drift away in their own adagio. Why would a poet wish to reel in those tides by turning those lovely abstractions into concrete? Still a nice read. Thank you.