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Know my own strength

By JFarrell

I think I know my own strength,

Which is why I haven’t given up tobacco, yet.

Twelfth day sober,

Sixth day with no weed,

And have exercised more

In the last month

Than in all of the last fifteen years.

And, still I think of myself as weak.

Severe lack of sleep,

College and work to attend,

And I push, push, push….

My body says ‘no more, give us what we need.’

I eat, it wont stay down,

I’m drinking black coffee by the gallon

Cant drink anything else….

My body just screams for alcohol.

I resist.

Stubborn idiot!

And, still I think of myself as weak.

When I am strong enough

The tobacco will go too;

All these poisons have to stop.

I hope I know my own strength,

I have to be stronger than I can imagine myself ever being,

Coward that I am, was…. not sure, right now.

And, still I think of myself as weak.