I ate lunch in a restaurant yesterday
My wife sat behind me
But I didn't look at her
And I didnt' speak to her
She was wondering why she can't meet a good man
Even though I'm right behind her
I don't care
I don't even know her, my wife
Because we won't meet for another five years
(Or maybe I already know her)
There is a man from New Jersey
Very respected in the business world
And he's going to give a reading at my funeral
But he is not ready right now
Because it is 2005
And he got a detention for shooting spitballs
At a kid in his eighth grade class
(I never will meet the target)
My favorite baseball player
Who will captivate the game
And someday will smash records
That no one thought would be touched
Is ashamed of himself
Because he is in second grade
And just woke up to find that he wet the bed
And then there is my son
Who will walk in my footsteps
Who will be one of the things I cherish most
In my entire life
Who no matter what will make me proud
Beyond anything I could do myself
Is unable to walk in my footsteps
Because he has no feet
And his primary concern is where the hell
The other half of himself is
Because he's a sperm deep inside me
And all he's done so far
Is swim around, carefree and oblivious for 21 years