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Chasing Enstasy

Have you ever been through a barren wind-lashed landscape,
to a place where the only pleasure is pain?

Swept through grand illusions of mountainous peaks,
romantically  set asunder with trickling valleys?

Have you throbbed painfully, soaking into an untouchable mire
of whetted frenzy in enstasy?

Felt numbness broken by searing thoughts of pain-bloated
vomittous purges bringing ecstasy?

Have you been so relieved, so rejoiced, by knowing you still stir
to feel wrapped in delusions you call real?

Have you  ever lost the last longing, lingering, filtered rays
of loving light, all alone, wondering why its so stark?

Toiled, panicked and sweated for hours,
praying when those illusions left you crying in the dark?

Have you taken to all the corners of your mind,
endlessly digging in the recesses for the passages to your lost light?

Burned your eyes in desperation, sending beams of longing soul light
through those latched rain soaked windows?

Have you schemed and plotted, travelled so far and wide,
to chase a glint of memory through the endless night?

Traced the walls of imagined heights, scraping your fingers
to the bone, looking for a crack?

Have you forgotten your God, reinvented your religion and
realigned the center of your universe in hope?

Burned your heart so brightly as a sacrifice,
hopelessly knowing it will be an invisible beacon for the lost?

Then leave me! You can never know my plight.

(Revised With Beavis in Mind)
Deeply grateful.