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Black Depression
The sky is grey, thought the sun shines bright
People have no faces
For a lover to hold into the night
My quest takes me many places
Shunned by those who gave me hope
I stagger on my way
Through the fog and haze I fight the maze
Into the darkness I grope
I beg the one who loved me
To rid me of these dreams
To take me back and valiently
Release me from the screams
The screams of pain and loneliness
That arise from deep within
The sleep is scarce and happy times
Are few and far between
How can I want him, he who caused
The tears to never cease
He said he loved, yet gave me hate
And took away my peace
The pills are futile, their strength is nil
Does anyone want my heart?
Or shall I cede and from this earth
Forever, ever part.
Words hit so close to home and were very heartfelt. A very nice read.
A few items of constructive criticism:
Do not let the rythm be controlled by the ryhme. Basically, don't manipulate the thought in order to fit it into the rhyme scheme; rhyme is supposed to be used to further illustrate the point made by the thoughts thus presented; taking that into account, the pattern is good. The separation of ryhme serves to enforce the separation of the individual characters, perhaps you could also separate the voices; present the individual voices; the speaker's longing, and then the outside character's resistance.
Also, try to be less broad; while a greater degree of specificity does limit interpretation, it also strengthens the poem.
This rises into the void between screen and reader with an agonizing wail.
The lament is so real, no fakery here, just the soul of a woman, laid bare with longing and hurt.
Is there a lesson in this? Who really can answer that?
Every journey requires a first step, and had we the foresight to see past the first bend, we often would not go. Fate is fickle like that, and handsome smiles and tenderness often hide what is over the next rise.
Powerfully written, this displays as it should and touches the heart of the reader. ~Tim
Some guys can be real dicks and you wonder how they could be so cruel and how you could have fallen for something as low as them.
Ignore the crap responses. This bit of verse is just a little scratchy, but that is most of it's appeal. It's real, it's heart felt, and it's very clear in the expression of pain/rage/lonelines/need/despair.
Frankly I loved it. Keep it up. Sgail
Honey, we all have felt this way at one time or another in our lives. Some like me more than others. Billy
I too have felt like this at times.I now depend alot less on what I can't help and alot more on what I can.The simplest things in life are mostly taken for granted.I have found peace in the last place I thought of looking,within myself.Its through ones own eyes that we view the world.We are the masters of ourselves.