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"Headlines".... Unfinished and looking for feedback
Folder:
Looking for Feedback As the road unravels
Engine spitting gravel
Rattling around like seeds
Lies of ammunition
Coming to fruition
Laying down their roots in me
Then I start to wonder
Lighting short of thunder
All the look without the sound
Thought I overheard it
Spiraling a verdict
Branching off the brain it found
Killjoy like a preacher
Sermon in the mirror now
Drive a little faster
Just to run the pastor down
Airing dirty laundry just to feel
Something different than running on the wheel
CHORUS: (not written yet)
Underneath the skin
Nothing but a pin
Holding all the pieces down
BRIDGE:
Raspberry Beret and limes
I think about her all the time
Sour taste runs down the spine
Music plays and the summer’s fine
I'm thrilled to have
I'm thrilled to have discovered your vibrant, hard-driving and evocative work. I'm not sure what part of the Blue Ridge Mountains your screen name refers to, but I spend a lot of time up there on the Virginia side.
This is amazing! I know I'm reading some dynamic lyrics when I can hear the tempo and absorb the ambiance, the essence, of the song without sound. Here you infuse a stirring and compelling defiance into a rhythm that rocks and hums like a pick up truck down a back road.
Your skill for weaving impeccably chosen, striking words into what I imagine to be a catchy rhythm and melody is very impressive, and the theme is relevant without being dated in any way.
Oh, and I'm loving that bridge! Feeling it. It stitches it all together and adds a flash of upbeat beauty to the poignant expression.
I'm particularly enchanted with the folksy, ingenious eloquence, unfortunately rare in contemporary music, that really pops in some lines:
"Underneath the skin
Nothing but a pin
Holding all the pieces down"
Brilliant.
Looking forward to the finished creation. So far, a stunning introduction to your talent.
This generous and touching
This generous and touching comment found me at the right time, thank you so so much.