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ATROPHY OF THE SPIRIT
Folder:
dark/grey area poems Slipping through the cracks,
Like water through a sieve,
I am the forgotten,
This is how I live.
I've tried to do good,
Helping those in need,
My mothers instilled values,
Having guided many a deed.
I now miss my younger days,
The pain of my past,
When my mother was still there,
Those days did not last.
She made me move away,
Due to untrue circumstance,
A pattern of events,
That was more than happenstance.
As the years passed on by,
I was wounded very deep,
Leaving so many invisible scars,
I attempted endless sleep.
My scars still exist today,
A web of resentment and hate,
Trapping me within myself,
My soul now irate.
Deeper into bitterness I plunge,
As more is taken away,
When my mother became among the lost,
The last bit of my sanity would fray.
Constantly I now question,
What will I lose next,
Why does God seem to hate me,
This last leaves me perplexed.
I've become slowly detached,
I have no more tears,
My saddness now indifference,
After suffering so many years.
I question what I'll become,
As I continue to live,
What will remain,
To rot in the sieve.
My best reply to this very deep and wounded poem is this ....
God doesn't hate you. Think of a bear caught in a trap out in the woods. Some nice conservationist rangers come along they see the bear caught, they want to help it but the bear doesn't know that and would kill them with one swat of his paw or one bite of his mouth if they came near him, so they have to tranquilize the bear to remove his paw from that trap to save his life. We, as lowly humans are that dumb bear in a trap. All the things that happen to us, though we can't see it as yet, are God allowing them to happen to us so to help us spiritually. What seems like God hating you is really God tesing you through all these terrible things you've experienced. We see with such narrow human eyes. When we are at our lowest on our knees or belly we are looking up to God and reaching out to him. I truly believe no matter how awful, everything that we experience on this earth is, it is done for the betterment of our souls and in our lowest times God draws closest to us. Life can be very hard and seem terribly unfair. One thing I recall my grandmother telling me as a child. When you feel low about your circumstances just look around you and I bet you can find someone who has it far worse off than you do and then compare yourself to them and feel blessed that you are at least not in their shoes. In other words instead of focusing always on the bad try counting all your blessings. If you have your health, that is blessing number one. If you have a place to live, a job that pays your way in life, friends, food to eat, discretionary income to do fun things on your day off, all of those are blessings. If you have som particular talent ( poetry wriing?) that is a very special gift from God. if you know how to play a musical instrument or can sing fairly well again, more and more blessings. Another one can do and in which I myself have done and can attest to, if you are feeling really bad, on your day off go volunteer to help feed the poor at the nearby soup kitchen. They can always use an extra set of hands to dish out food or clean up the kitchen. When you see people who have nothing compared to yourself. it wakes you to just how blessed you truly are. Prayer helps too I've always felt no matter what religion or non religion you are. Whether you believe it or not God is always there. He will show you one day just how so very much he was always there in your life as you lived it out. We come from love, we are love in and unto ourselves but yes it's nice when we find another to love. I'll be the first to admit that. Okay, I'll step off my tiny soap box now. I hope this reply has helped you some or maybe you have already gotten through that rough patch and are in a far better frame of mind now, I wish I'd replied to your comments on my poem sooner and jumped over here to your page sooner as well. I wish you all the best. Do tell me how things are for you. I'd love to read some new poetry. Best wishes, Melissa
P.S. you probably know this already but the spirit never experiences atrophy that is totally a physical thing. I know you knew that but I wanted to reassure you of it just in case. Our spirits remain for the most part untouched and they understand so much more than we do about what paces we are being put through.