It's difficult to explain.
All that I learned in this 25th year.
Mostly because I don’t understand
The lessons fully myself yet.
But I will try to put it into words for you
And in doing so, put words to it for me.
The first is just how hard it is to forgive.
Sure time helps, as small things are forgotten
Or as one comes to realize their triviality.
Other things however, cannot be forgotten.
It was this year that I felt truly betrayed
For the first time and that betrayal
Awoke something deep and hateful.
It wasn’t until I saw how they could not
Hold my gaze, and how deep the shame went
That I truly forgave and put that thing to bed.
Until that point apologies and promises
Meant less than nothing to me.
It was also in that moment that I learned
How poisonous resentment is for the soul.
To carry that seething anger with you
Everyday and to feel it begin to boil over
Is something I wish to never shoulder again.
The second thing I learned is how difficult
It can be to keep making the choice
To do the right thing even if it is harder,
But also that choosing to walk uphill
Rather than down gets easier every time
You come to those junctions on your path.
Sometimes though it can be vexing
To know for sure which trail goes up
And which goes down and a few times
I took a left when I should’ve taken a right.
So I’ve grown to trust my instincts
And to rely on my notions on wrong and right.
In the end, I realized if I were to lose my sense
Of direction all I need to do is backtrack
And begin anew with the knowledge I gained.
I’m relieved now that my conscience was
Was enough to wake me from complacency.
The third thing l’ve learned is that really
I know very little and I have so much to learn.
I suppose life humbles us in that way
Here and there, and I’m grateful and excited.
I’ve come to see that I know a little about a lot,
A lot about little, and I hope to stop treading
Shallow pools and to have the courage to swim
Where I cannot feel or see the bottom.
Well, I guess it wasn't so difficult after all.
a searching and beautiful
a searching and beautiful poem God give you infinite grace
Searching
I like that description, find it very fitting.
Thank you again!
We'll just keep writing 'til there's nothing left to write.
We'll just keep waiting 'til they read all our works left to right.