PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

(CAUTION: DO NOT READ. YOU WILL LOSE ALL RESPECT.)



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I've never really considered myself especially intelligent or especially gifted in any specific way. I can be exceedingly perceptive, but only when I'm not trying to be.



I feel like I have some vague grasp of what is happening in the world around me (most of the time).



And yet I've found things in life that seem to have no answer. They are problems - anomalies - quandaries - riddles, that seem to exist only to frustrate the hell out of whoever cares to observe them for more than a moment or two.



I'm making this sound a lot more significant than it is. This is just my stupid problems.



:: DISCLAIMER:: ^^^



My fondest wish at the moment (besides finding a job up here in Columbus) is to completely forget my feelings for my best friend. I understand the how and the why of it all, but I still cannot present myself with a solution. Despite moving away from and losing touch with her, these emotions persist. She's unlike any girl that I've ever known; maybe even unlike any girl that I'll ever meet. But still, to this day, I do not fucking understand her.



She is just like any other fucking lunatic female I have ever met, and I need to get that through my thick skull.



An ex-boyfriend of hers has once again forced his way into her life. He cheated on her, treated her best girlfriend horribly (really, really horribly) and basically treated her like she was a piece of replaceable ass.



Now they're friends once more, talking often and hanging out. Her best female friend that this guy treated like shit? She started a fucking argument with me about why I refuse to accept that he has "changed".



Shit never changes.



Shit can become polished.



Polished shit is still SHIT.



My best friend has now joined the parade (despite having agreed with me completely not long ago) and is now entirely convinced that he has changed. And I find myself losing respect for her because of it.



I really do wish that I could just jump on this jackass bandwagon and somehow become magically be swayed to his side, but I can't. He is a bad person, and when I meet someone who I can consider nothing more than a bad person, I do all I can to NOT have them influence my fucking life.  



But hey, the asshole can get my best friend parts for her stupid fucking car to make it totally bad ass and cool. I guess that makes him a good guy, right?



It's like how drug dealers can get girls weed if they suck their dicks, right?



I never want to feel any trace of this love ever again. I never want to see her as anything other than my best friend. I never want to think about us in any kind of romantic sense and I want to move on with my fucking life, forever. She has a boyfriend, and despite the fact that he can't even accept her at her very core, I wish them the best of happiness.



She absolutely insists on surrounding herself with people that simply do not click with her, and you know what? That's cool. I think I'm done being concerned with it. She calls me her best friend, but somehow, it hasn't felt like it for a while.



Maybe I'm just a stupid asshole. Maybe I should just fully accept that life really IS just a stupid fucking hassle and nothing more and kill myself.



DRAMA>>>>>>>EXTENSION:C-DRIVE//



My life is going nowhere, and all I've been left with is time to dwell and the cloud of pointlessness in my life. I feel of no use to anyone and don't really know how I can rise above it all. I can't date anybody like this: in love with my best friend and absolutely at war in my own mind. I can't even find a fucking place around here to hire me.



What is there to do but travel back in time to my Sophomore year in high school, and bitch aimlessly to nobody about how much I hate myself and my life?



I think about dying pretty often. I guess that means I'm mentally unstable or something.



MAYBE I CAN GET A JOB TOMORROW AND MY LIFE WILL TURN AROUND.