Anesthetize

Folder: 
Family

Another park meeting in the dark,
another blame you blame me scene,
this just isn't what I need.

Why am I always either the villian or prosecutor?

Too many thrown stones,
too often going it alone.

I thought family was supposed to accept you,
people who will always stay,
instead it's nothing but deja'vu.

Finally splitting ways,
disowned, it should end here,
this is it today.

I should be glad.

Am I?

Feels like I'm in shock,
the anger has gone.

Hollow breaths, trying to keep living,
everything's changed, nothing will ever be the same.

This is the finish line, not going to return here again.

The same steps will stop being taken,
won't be leaving in pain.

Tears won't fall, my mind's escaped,
Novocain, numbness setting in.

So where does this leave me now,
with only half a family,
I can feel the weight shifting.

You expect an apology,
I have none to give.

You want to believe I meant everything that was said,
maybe I did, what does it matter now.

I can't find it in me to fight for you,
only against, years now wasted.

Apathy, empty and mentally gone,
familiar feelings reach me through the cold.

My feet have stepped off our worn out path,
no longer making circles, beating a dead horse.

My family no longer includes you,
but that's really nothing new.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Been disowned from half of my family, working out the emotions

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