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I Was Scared, Torn, Confused, Hurt, And Dying...
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My Reality I'm sure you can plan for
Every situation in our existance.
But you won't really know how it feels,
Until the experience itself...
I'm gonna be honest with you...
I was scared...
...just when you think your life can't get any worse...
Yeah, I was definitely scared...
You see,
At the time you don't really understand
Cause you're hurt.
"...I can't believe this muthafu..."
I was caught in a brain-storm
Of sorts.
My emotions definitely holding down the fort
Against logicc.
I'm gonna be honest with you...
I was scared...
Life stood there
Off in the distance
With this determined look on its face.
And I'm contemplating the outcome...
Judging the consequenses...
Ignoring the reprocusions...
Praying for forgiveness...
Longing for someone or something
To save me from this...
"...look at him over there, he ju..."
I was scared, torn, confused, hurt, and dying.
I would like nothing more
Than to be able to tell you with
Absolute certainty, that I held it together
And handled it like a real man.
But you see...
I was already dying
And only a path to the future of the past
Could bring me back.
It was hell on earth
And I was mother nature -
There I was, with too much experience
Not enough knowledge
And the burden of having to live another day...
POP!!!
One bullet in his brain...
And I still feel the same.
But I don't understand cause I'm hurt
And life stands there
Off in the distance
With this determined look on it's face -
I'm gonna be honest with you...
I was scared...
Because he wasn't just my brother's killer.
He was a man.
I was torn because he killed my brother...
I was confused because I hesitated to take his life
I was hurt because I couldn't convince myself
Not to kill him.
And I was dying...
And who do you know,
That wouldn't be, when they came face to face
With their brother's reaper.
Just when you think it can't get any worse
Life stands there, off in the distance
With this determined look on its face
And it sends chils down your spine.
...I'm sure that you can plan for
Every situation in our existance.
But you won't really know how it feels,
Until the experience itself...
This gave me chills... I love your flow, everything just fits perfectly, I felt like I was right there, watching you face and deal with the immensity of the situation... what a trip... it even brought a whole flashing scenario into my head of when I ran into a rapist from 11 years ago last month and it was like a shock to my system to see him and I could barely stand, internally freaking out, like I'd gotten slapped and he almost looked like he was getting up to approach me with something like apologetic age lines written on his face but he had to have seen the shock on my face because he just sat back down and covered his face with his hands- it was so weird- I didn't stick around the courthouse to do what I came to I just turned around and got the f outta there, but all the while subconsciously kicking myself for not either a) confronting him, b) slapping him or c) hearing him out, whatever he had been about to say to me... I don't know- it was crazy- but anyways.. that's what this piece brought to mind- a scary, confusing, torn, deathlike confrontation- ugh... very intense :-) thanks for the read :-) I love your work