Author Information
Dark dawn
Folder:
Cries in the night chilled darkness before the eyes
pinpoints of light high overhead
whites and blues and palest reds
in circling dance slowly move
long thin line of palest white
slowly grows into the sky
dark blackness fades to gray
as tiny lights fade away
whiteness slowly turns to blue
as the land before us comes to view
darkened shapes so hard to see
slowly form before our eyes
sliver of gold before us forms
growing climbing to the sky
green appears upon the land
as last points of light disappear
bright golden orb within the sky
as all above becomes azure blue
all the land now in colors that lie
all seen clearly now with our eyes
Very good, but...
Your stanzas here are well-written, there is natural rhythm in the lines. But work is required with your punctuation. I'm having a problem with the last line, your rhythm is off with the last two lines. Please don't take it personal, as I rarely give this type of harder critique unless that person is worthy of it. Your work is very worthy of my time and critique. It was a pleasure for me to have read it.