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Numb over Happy
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Deep in Depression I am tempted to leave,
Yet I feel forced to stay,
I'm not though,
I'm here by choice,
Why though?
Why do I choose to stay?
When I'm not happy.
I lie to myself,
I say I am happy,
I have no reason not to be,
So why aren't I?
Don't get it wrong though,
I'm not sad either.
Its hard to explain,
I would rather hurt,
Than feel nothing like I do,
But there's nothing to hurt about!
Unless I bring it on myself,
But why bring pain to yourself on purpose,
When you can simply choose unending happiness?
Why do I choose numb,
Over happy?
If I did leave,
A great deal of people would be happy,
Including me.
But also if I left,
Many would be sad too.
I believe that's why,
I decided to stay in the first place.
Am I in the right though?
Keeping a small amount sad,
Because I'm not there,
Rather than keeping a big amount,
An important amount sad,
Because I left them?
Am I right to put other peoples' happiness above mine?
Its my life right?
Well that's where it goes wrong,
I have no clue what to do.
Beautiful...
Hi! I really understand your conflict. Of course you love both parents and can't decide, young as you are. Try digging inside your heart and pray for guidance. I know that you are more inclined to one parent over the other for a reason or two. It's not fair for you to be given a choice at this time while you yourself is undergoing hormonal changes typical of your age. You are very sensible and smart and brave for facing the music, young as you are. Making poetries of your concerns is productive and very cool.
Hey, I have a son who was a product of separation too. He was 15 when he made the choice to come with me on his own accord. I never asked him to because I thought that his dad and his family could give him a better future than I ever could. when he packed his things and left with me, I resolved to support him of his decision. It appears that he made the right choice after all. With God's help, I raised him to be a fine responsible son, unlike his immature dad. He will be a physician one day, Lord willing.
Reach down inside you and trust your instinct and your heart. When it comes to choosing lovers, the heart is never reliable. The heart when it comes to choosing between family members may be reliable because you know them in a spiritual sense.
Dear, one can't serve 2 masters at the same time.I know that deep down, you have chosen but you are understandably torn between 2 people you love most.
You better tell them how you feel about them fighting over you, then move from there.
Your honesty with yourself will set you free...
Thank you for sharing this. You are indeed one very smart and brave girl!
Shye
“ Let the beauty of what you love be what you do."
~ Rumi
Thank you so much vixen. You
Thank you so much vixen. You guys are really helping. But telling them will put them through a lot of pain and tears,well, one of them anyways.....and I hate hurting peoples feelings. It tears me apart. I think that's a big part of my problem.
Hi Victoria, I hope you
Hi Victoria, I hope you checked the link Poppy wanted you to print. I haven't check it but the mention of King Solomon and his famous wisdom reminded me of that he was, in the bible, the wisest king ( except for the 700 wives and 300 concubines ) this Earth has known, that people from distant places sought his advice, including the queen of Sheeba. Well,I remembered that one of the problem he solved was when 2 women brought a baby to him, both claiming to be the mother. Since the 2 won't meet halfway, he asked his guard to half the baby in 2 equal parts lengthwise. The first women agreed, while the second woman begged Solomon not to butcher the baby and would rather give the baby full to the first woman as long as he won't be hurt and would live. Obviously, king Solomon gave the baby to the second woman because she, wanting to do the child no harm and would have rather sacrificed her feelings and rights, showed above all, that she loved the baby like a mother. The first woman who was vengeful and showed no mercy did not have the child's best interest in mind.
I can relate with this well because painful as it was, I was willing to leave my son to his father for a better future and I never asked him to take sides. When he chose me by himself, I did not question it either but I worked very hard to be both parents.
King Solomon is no longer in our time. I can't give you advice whom to choose because today, we are left to be king Solomons to ourselves. There need not be a choice. You are intelligent and I know you'll pull through someday. I am sure, you, together with your parents who love you can work out something in the name of their love for you.
Shye
“ Let the beauty of what you love be what you do."
~ Rumi
That is an excellent example
That is an excellent example for a story. And I will take it to heart. You remind me of someone I know....I can put my finger on who though. But thanks for the advice and I have check out poppy's link, but one problem strikes...I have no printer. xD Thank you all