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I dont really know how to express this feeling I have inside..



It's like a million fireflys trapped inside a jar..



Can't release them



Or thier gone forever



Can't keep them



Or they'll die...





It's been a matter of different things over the years

That has brought me to this point.

I feel like I have lost so much..

That I dont even know if life has ever really been worth it.

all life does is hurt in the end.



I've never in my life until now, truly felt the sting of lonliness.

Not in a sense of a boyfriend or anything to do with relationshhips.



Just inside myself period. The feeling is so dominate. I feel it's starting to ruin me.







I question so much, left without answers..



I argue with myself.. Keeping myself on the shore.



Every day a war is raging in my soul.



Life has broken me down.



I guess everyone was right. I'm not that strong..

I am weak.



I do wear a mask.. a mask of pills.. A mask of a million times of try agains, and forget me nots.



I want to be ok.



But I fear thats never going to come.







I am so afraid. I have become afraid of life. Of living. Of dieing.



I really wish I was never born. If that would have been.. None of this would I had to endure.



But it cannot be changed.



Should  I hate my mother an my father for giving me life?



Should I hate God for letting me be here?



I'm afraid all there is left for me to do.. is sit and wait.