christmas eve, and i just want him back

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someone brought him up today.

asked if i was still seeing my man.

i think i smiled, and said, "sometimes."

it's not like how it used to be.

 

i saw his face just last week, but it wasn't the same.

he would smile, but it didn't make me feel as safe.

it just felt like he had the upper hand, and knew it.

i felt so small. curled in the drivers seat, blank.

 

he came to help me move.

i watched him sit on my bed. blank.

he laid for a minute, while i packed up my belongings.

we made our first round to my car.

 

we walked back to my room. i got dizzy.

belly down, i sunk into the sheets. blank.

he asked if i was trying to seduce him.

i said yes, although i knew better.

 

after, he kept repeating "you seduced me"

until it made me feel uncomfortable.

like it was only me who still wanted that connection.

after, he pretended like i tricked him into it.

 

if it wasn't clear before, it is crystal now.

he doesn't love me the way he once did.

he doesnt love me at all. im blank.

who could ever stay?

 

life is a maze. and i've lost him. or he's lost me.

too many curves and promising dead ends.

somewhere along the course, we split.

me, trying to reach the center.

him, searching for a way out.

 

someone asked about him today 

and i couldn't tell them how he's been.

all i know is he found his exit,

and i'm so far in. im so far in.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this relationship has taken something from me i cannot yet identify. foolishly, i believed he would stay. for reasons unknown to me, i thought he would want to stay.

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KindredSpirit's picture

Really like this

Heartfelt.

Real.

KS