Author Information
Life
Life's a puzzle
and a mystery
I need someone to help
solve it with me.
Are you the one
that I need?
Sometimes life is
to much to bear.
I need a mind to
change that with me.
Perhaps you can
ayudame.
Are you going to
be my savior?
Life can be
long and lonely.
I need a person to
hold me on those cold nights.
Is your hug
what I need?
You have an interesting concept, though remotely overused, even by myself. The poem doesn't absolutely flow, and sounds childish and simple to such a mature and adult theme. I would suggest using imagery and less common words. So far it sounds like an angsty and desperate teenage girl who just broke up with ehr boyfriend, and if you are as serious about writing as you appear by the poems you have posted so far, I would highly recommend stayring away from this type of poem. It doesn't sound to much even like a normal free form- more like your talking to another person, and the constant line break makes it frustrating to read, because it ends so shortly.
(Reason I'm not signing my username and name and email is because a lot of times if I say a negative thing, actual critique, someone flips out and trashes all my poetry. It's childish of them, and I cannot trust you to control any emotion invoked over my comment. I am sorry if it hurts you and you are a mature enough individual to handle my critique.)
beautiful. just like everything else about you