for the reader who will not stay

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For the Reader Who Will Not Stay  

(after a list of three truths)



I have pared the bread

to a single crumb,

so it will not weary your jaw.

 

I have drained the wine

to a thimble‑swallow,

so it will not cloud your head.

 

I have locked the third door

and pocketed the key,

for I know how you hate to find

yourself in a room you did not expect.

 

You prefer the garden gate:

open, low‑hinged,

a path you can stroll

in your lunch hour.

 

You prefer roses already cut,

vase‑ready, no thorns

to coax your blood.

 

Still— in the rafters of the stanza,

I hang small bells, and in the mortar

between these plain bricks

I press a coin, face down.

 

It will tarnish there, waiting

for the one pair of eyes

who sees that the wall is hollow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

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djtj's picture

Bells in stanza

Still— in the rafters of the stanza,

I hang small bells, and in the mortar...

we all love those bells in our stanza ringing our true meaning. Love this ... however the verse about the key made me stumble. Just a suggestion to smooth it a bit? 

I have locked the third door

and pocketed the key,

for I know how you hate

to find yourself

in a room you did not expect.

The lines felt run on and not in the same rhythm. 

 maybe just change up the line breaks? 
S74rw4rd-13d's picture

With the utmost respect, I

With the utmost respect, I disagree.  The locking of the door is a little more elaborate an action than the actions in the two prior stanzas, and therefore the rhythm is slightly different to give an "auditory" support to this.  I applaud your keen ear for rhythmic detail.


Starward-Led [in Chrismation, Januarius]

djtj's picture

Yes

I thought that might be the case. The stoppage. love your work. 

redbrick's picture

Many thanks to you both. 

Many thanks to you both. Smile


here is poetry that doesn't always conform

galateus, arkayye, arqios,arquious, crypticbard, excalibard, wordweaver

S74rw4rd-13d's picture

This poem is, even in its

This poem is, even in its brevity, enormously powerful.  Symbols (like the bread, wine and roses) are skillfully deployed without being heavy-handed.  


Starward-Led [in Chrismation, Januarius]

redbrick's picture

Thank you so much. It's not

Thank you so much. It's not the easiest thing to write about. Most appreciated Smile


here is poetry that doesn't always conform

galateus, arkayye, arqios,arquious, crypticbard, excalibard, wordweaver