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expecting the pain
I’m glad she’s not alive anymore
To feel this pain.
But I’m still speaking comforting words
Like she’s alive.
Her stomach’s torn open.
My whole body is numb
But I can still feel the pain.
Being numb just means
You’ve learned to expect the pain
And can feel nothing else.
So I’m writing this poem
Like I’ve lived nothing but pain.
I’m passing over all my blessings
And going back to those vivid childhood nights
When I was victimized.
When I was ashamed I could not defend myself
Like an adult would,
Because I was too young to realize
I was only a child.
I remember my older cousin
So free and full of life.
I remember her laughing
And being better than me.
I remember her crying
Because her father was dying.
I remember her not being able to cry anymore
Once her father was dead.
I remember her learning to cope
And finding that she could cope better
With the pills.
Her father’s death made her manipulative,
Or that was her excuse.
Because I remember her being manipulative
Before her father passed.
So here she is
Poor little girl.
Too vulnerable and pathetic
For anyone to have their revenge on her.
So I’m speaking comforting words
Like she’s alive.
Hoping she could just die peacefully
Then she wouldn’t have to go on
Feeling like she’s dead.
This was the poem you've linked me to last Monday so...
All I can say is that even with the pain the only thing left to do is walk forward. I'm sorry some of these happened but sometimes a sorry isn't enough. But the thing is is that people who do not have worries or regrets in their life, even if only one or two, are boring people to me. They don't know how to learn from the actions and grow from it. But I see you've learned something out of yours, somehow...
As for me, I had too many regrets in my life, sometimes I wished I died instead of having to face it, whether if it was an 'internal' death or an actual death I desired, but in the end one begins to realize that pain is a part of life. It's inevitable.
:'(
Death can be scary sometimes, but do not forget, man, life is also far scarier than death... So one must try to be fearless. And fearlessness does not mean the lack of fear, but acknowledging you're afraid but struggling to move forward. And since pain is a part of it, there's no choice but to know it's part of the 'package'... Just my thoughts. You don't have to buy it if you don't want to. Trash it if you want but still the same, great poem. It made me think! :)