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Take back my life.
Dear God, thankyou for the life
the regrets and the sin, pain and the strife
Knowing I'm human, each and every day
picking up my faults along my broken way
No talent nor trophy for things done well
Useless existance, destined for hell
Ponder my worth with every breath
I know I will fail this long and hard test
Made me so tender, a fragile heart
Tear me to shreds and rip me apart
through trials and hardship, I fall and cry
Can't be strong, and I don't know why
You made me unique, that much I know
But that's why it's hard for the feeling to show
Don't know what to do, this life I can't share
You can have it back, for all I care.
Thankyou for your insight into my poetry.
I never claim any of my works are perfect, in fact, I don't even consider myself a poet. I am also not religious of any sort.
The rhyme that you mentioned is loose rhyme, I didn't expect to have every line rhyme perfectly.
I also know that you take the good from the bad, poems like these often spurn from times where you can't see that light at the end of your tunnel. So by no means does this poem reflect always on my current feeling.
~RaiRai.
Yes, well, um... it needs some work first of all make the poem either rythme or not don't rythme some of the lines and not the others either all of it or none. That will make if flow better. In other words just fix breath and test they don't rythme. lets see what else um... besides that it was a nice poem. keep in mind that there is no pleasure without pain. I'm not going to give you a lecture or anything lol just keep that in mind huh? Not sure if this was suppose to be a religion poem or not but, if you are a Christian in the bible it says "Once saved always saved" So in other words as long as you keep your faith in God live to the best of your ablities and repent for your sins you shouldn't feel like God will shun you for falling short of his glory everybody stumbles that's why Jesus died for us.
Keep writting and don't lose your faith,
Just Some Punk
P.S. please check out some of my work and give me some feed back if its not to much trouble I love getting feed back good or bad.