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How can I stop this pain?

I cant keep doing this to myself,

Ripping deeply inside,

Cant stop crying,

But I cant go numb,

It just gets worse and worse,

I don’t understand,

Right when I need you,

You just shut me out,

Pretend like youre alone,

Im not there anymore,

Why do you shut me out?

Ive said im sorry,

Why is it never good enough?

I dont want to be free of you,

I want you more than ever.



I wish I was synthetic sometimes,

Maybe it would stop these feelings,

How did I let you get inside me?

Wish I could push you away,

But I need you more.



Blame myself again,

Its the only way ive learned,

Let me die, dont change my mind,

Beating inside my head,

Done with suffering on the outside,

Ill develop a new disease,

Kill myself from the inside out,

Redefine my sub-conscious again,

Its meaningless if I cant isolate,

The problems inside as well as out.