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TIPTOEING ALONG FORBIDDEN LINES
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Depression Thinking about it again,
Still weak from the previous time,
Wanting so badly to do what’s wrong,
I have to be strong, can’t give in.
Never want to do it again,
Meaningless, it doesn’t help,
Who am I kidding? Of course it helps,
It heals me, makes me real.
If I did it again, would I be weak?
Am I weak thinking about it? Wanting it?
Wasted days, I feel like dying,
I need a release, negative space around me.
Transparent soul, mind, body,
All I want is to release,
Make me feel 'REAL' again,
I've forgotten how it feels.
Its no-body’s fault, all my own,
Wasted everything if I give in,
Blaming myself for others mistakes,
Fear, blame, hate, turned against me.
Do I really need it? Should I give in?
To feel cold steel against hot flesh,
Cutting away pain, misery, hate, depression,
I'm not that strong, another attack and I bleed.
To hurt those around me, my loved ones,
Can I really cope with their pain?
Will it send me over again?
Day after day, tiptoeing along fine lines.
Seamless existence of 2 worlds,
Hardly anyone notices they're there,
Synthetic fabric of lies told,
The reality of what’s happening.
Infectious, permanent disease inside your head,
Dancing down the lines, careful not to trip,
Unforeseen consequences are ready to happen,
Bleeding, crying, pain, hurt, tripping again.
Fallen from grace, my wings were clipped,
Fell from a synthetic reality, to a real world,
Pain, death, crying, torture, scars,
None of it means anything to you.
Tiptoeing along translucent lines,
Waiting to fall again, to cross over to the darkness,
Feel the cold blade tearing at the flesh,
The euphoria it releases intoxicates you, you're weak.
Wanting something I can’t have,
Pain inside swells and swells,
"GIVE IN, GIVE IN" 'IT' says, "CUT, GO ON, JUST CUT"
Tears falling like rockets down my cheeks.
So close to releasing 'IT' I’m trembling inside,
Turning to dust, then I visualise my lover’s pain,
Unending torment inside him for months,
Blaming himself for my pain, when it’s not him.
I can’t bear his pain too,
Twisted face of hurt, crying, pain, fear,
His voice, like a God, "PLEASE DONT, BABY, I LOVE YOU"
My voice of reason, hope, happiness, life.
Bringing me back to the 'light'
I survived this one; 'IT' didn’t win this time,
But forever I’ll be tiptoeing along forbidden lines,
'IT' will always be waiting.
