Tanka-verse failures

Folder: 
LITTLE THINGS


In retrospective

Analysis, words are borne

To the bane of self. There
Upon a dead shelf adorned,

The poetry throttles forth.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

If you'll notice, the third line has one syllable too many but I couldn't do away with the way it came out, despite giving it a few quick considerations. I finally decided to compromise the syllabics by acknowledgement of my fault.

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patriciajj's picture

It works for me. The

It works for me. The substance shined through your slight, confident alteration in structure, and I saw only brilliance. The word "throttles" is a powerhouse that really makes this. You never fail to impress me.

Pungus's picture

You carry so much love

You carry so much love.. thank you


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