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All the Best Poets Sit in the Smoking Section:41
INT – UNIVERSE LADIES BATHROOM – NIGHT
EVETTE is in the bathroom sitting on the toilet, checking her face in her compact and frantically putting on makeup. She stares at the inside of the stall while the faint sounds of tinkling and muffled ‘Ebony & Ivory’ karaoke wailings bleat in the distance.
JEFF (V.O.)
Notice her stall is mysteriously absent of enlarged female genitalia caricatures?
INT – UNIVERSE KARAOKE BAR – NIGHT
ON STAGE
‘Ebony and Ivory’s’ last ten seconds drown into a sea of applause as ST. PATRICK, a five foot red-haired Leprechaun of a man steps to the microphone.
ST. PATRICK
Thank you Eivets Rednow and Percy Thrillington.
AT TABLE
JEFF begins laughing hysterically.
EVETTE returns to the table.
The APPLAUSE ceases.
JEFF is still laughing hysterically.
EVETTE and JOHN look at Jeff as if he’s completely lost his marbles.
ON STAGE
ST. PATRICK
Sorry guys, your fifteen minutes of fame are over! You only get to sing two songs if it’s not a duet!
ST. PATRICK begins clapping to try to get them off the stage.
ST. PATRICK (CONT’D)
Thankfully for us that was definitely a duet, right?
The MULTI-ETHNIC DUO blankly looks toward him.
ST. PATRICK (CONT’D)
Uh-hem, if you do a duet, you only can sing one song.
AT TABLE
JEFF
Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney used those names as nom de plumes when they did instrumental recordings. McCartney used Thrillington as a pseudonym and Eivets Rednow is Stevie Wonder backwards, get it?
EVETTE rocks toward JEFF in the booth while they rub shoulders.
EVETTE
I remember when you thought all Eivets were spelled with a Y.
ON STAGE
ST. PATRICK
So, next up, singing another duet, we have Rex and Rune singing ‘Summer Nights.’
FROM BOOTH TO THE STAGE
EVETTE
(grabbing JEFF’S hand)
That’s us! C’mon!
JEFF
Uh, I don’t really go by Rex.
EVETTE
Well you’re stuck with it now!
JEFF
(confused)
See it was called ‘Summer Nights.’
ON STAGE
JEFF and EVETTE arrive at the stage.
JEFF (CONT’D)
Uh, Rune?
EVETTE
You said your name was Rex Songs? Well then my name is Rune Songs… You wreck ‘em, I ruin ‘em!
The music begins as EVETTE and JEFF attempt their rendition of the Grease song.
JEFF and EVETTE
(in unison)
Summer lovin' had me a blast. Summer lovin', happened so fast!
JEFF
I met a girl crazy for me.
EVETTE
I met a boy, cute as can be!
JEFF and EVETTE
(in unison)
Summer days driftin' away, to uh-oh those summer nights.
BACKGROUND KARAOKE VOCALS
Tell me more, tell me more, did you get very far?
JEFF (V.O.)
Oh no, not that line! I need to distract her.
JEFF puts his arm around EVETTE.
BACKGROUND KARAOKE VOCALS
Tell me more, tell me more, like does he have a car?
JEFF (V.O.)
I hope those lyrics floated right past her.
MUSIC FADES as montage of the happy atmosphere continues.
JEFF and EVETTE finish singing and head back to the table.
JOHN stands to great them. He claps and smiles and speaks from the corner of his mouth:
JOHN
That sucked!
EVETTE
It was fun though!
JEFF
It wasn’t that bad, was it?
EVETTE
Yeah… it was! I think John’s better at critiquing karaoke than movies!
JEFF
I may not have sounded that good, but it sure felt great!
ST. PATRICK (V.O./O.C.)
Next up, singing ‘Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald’ we have John.
EVETTE
John? Now that’s creative
JEFF
That song is seven minutes long!
ON STAGE
JOHN stumbles to the stage
The Karaoke version of ‘Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald’ begins playing.
AT TABLE
EVETTE looks to JEFF.
EVETTE
Hey, let’s ditch him.
EXT – UNIVERSE KARAOKE BAR – NIGHT
Before JEFF can speak, EVETTE leads him outside where they begin walking slowly and silently in the night air.
They gaze across the river at the Rose City’s glow.
JEFF touches EVETTE’S back and she grabs hold of his hand.
EVETTE
Let’s go down to the waterfront.
JEFF
That’s kind of far.
EVETTE puts her finger to JEFF’S lips and whispers:
EVETTE
Spontaneity.
JEFF
I’ll do my best Cusack.
EVETTE glances at JEFF inquisitively.
JEFF (CONT’D)
The actor. John Cusack. He’s always doing spontaneous things in his movies.
