Mono/Poly II: The Sequel

DaddyO's BDSM

by DaddyO

If adding "polyamorous" to one's monogamous identity is meant to indicate that while you are only in one committed, romantic/sexual relationship at a time, you are open to having meaningful, loving connections with others, how is that different from just being monogamous?*


Perhaps, to some it is different. But many people adopt polyamory as their orientation yet find themselves in a monogamous situation or make the choice to commit monogamously with their partner for whatever reason.


Just as if one is only fucking someone of the opposite sex that doesn't necessarily make them distinctly heterosexual. A person fucking someone from the two primary genders basically would need to designate one's self both "heterosexual" and homosexual (if we didn't have the term bisexual).


If someone is "love-fluid" (a term I may have just made up), I suppose one who never participates in group sex could be considered monogamous with every sex partner for the duration of the coitus act and then move on to someone else.


Those around them would see them as polyamorous (or a "swinger", "slut" or "player") whereas they may earnestly believe to be monogamous at heart.


It just depends how someone defines themselves and how open they are to love and how they define love which in and of itself is undefinable.

I would suggest there is a sliding scale for sex and love frequency and quantity just as there is a sliding scale for sexual attraction to gender type as demonstrated in the Kinsey scale.


Then you get into the mess of monogamy and polyamory not exactly being opposites:


Monogamy refers to singular (traditionally marital) sexual fidelity, polyamory refers to the multiple number of people one loves.


In this case I would suggest a huge percentage of people practicing monogamy are polyamorous. So it stands to reason that anyone can attach both labels to themselves without confusion.


Whether it be past romantic loves or platonic love towards friends and family, most everyone having sex with one person exclusively also "loves" someone else.


Should one infer that a monogamous person who doesn't identify as monogamous and polyamorous is only interested in shallow acquaintances with anyone other than their exclusive partner?  


No. But it also depends on the degree of what constitutes "shallow" acquaintances.


The way I blatantly flirt with others (and gave the fetish of encouraging my partner to flirt too) certainly would not be deemed a honoring trait to someone who considers monogamy as some sort of virtue.



Monogamy=fucking only one person.

Polyamory = loving more than one person.


Everyone can practice both simultaneously.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2014. Taken from my reply to a blog question from the amazing and talented TonyaJoneMiller. 

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