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Taking Responsibility Isn't "Victim Blaming"
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DaddyO's BDSM by DaddyO
When we scream PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY it is not "victim blaming", It is empowering BOTH parties in the scene or relationship.
And this is the crux of what most irks me about the who is "responsible" issue.
If the BOTTOM only realizes they have gone past a place they were comfortable going afterwards, how is the TOP supposed to be held responsible for that?
Now I have tried to figure this out, and this blog is the best I can come up with.
The responsibility needs to be shared equally. Sure, the TOP generally controls most of what happens, but the BOTTOM decides most of the boundaries within where the TOP'S control lies.
Since it is the boundaries that are crossed which makes a consent violation valid, the job of COMMUNICATING THOSE BOUNDARIES rests foremost on the BOTTOM.
Since the communication needs to be clear, the TOP needs to hone their listening and comprehension skills.
Since it is the act of crossing those boundaries which makes a consent violation valid, the job of NOT CROSSING THOSE STATED BOUNDARIES rests foremost on the TOP.
SInce the communication needs to be clear, the BOTTOM needs to hone their vocabulary and communication skills.
This, to me, shows shared responsibility.
