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Running for so long and it finally caught up with me

This fiend I thought long since passed, I thought I was freed

Darkness consumes the radiance I once soaked up

Mourning and numbness has consumed all my love

Every state of being I’ve been, every smile You’ve seen

For a short time, but now just a memorable dream

Of what used to be, what I thought I was, what You wanted me to have

And tears drown the smiles as shrilling cries overpower my laughs

Sinking into a corner, locked up in a room, away from everyone

I've consumed and spit out everything I've since become

My Bible stained with blood, stained with too many tears

This book I’ve grown to love throughout the years

I know it’s true, and I’ll hold that up, as I weakly testify

Knowing I’ve fallen asleep in Christ, but me He still won’t deny

And I cry. I beg for His mercy, and He gives it each time

My eyes used to be open doors, but now are closed blind

This control I feed off of and have lost more each day

Crying, pleading for help but You won’t take it away

That time I got angry with You, I drank away the pain

Into a drunken rage, drew blood, blew up, I went insane

But the earth still turns, though I’m shaking but still

Tormenting myself continuously just to feel

An emotion, a real tear, just a laugh, genuine fears

The only time I could, was throughout all those lost years

When I was right with You, yearning to learn more

Of what for my life You promised You had in store

But I’m lost, on familiar land You saved me from so long ago

And I’m crying louder than I did then, these are real tears that flow

Out of my eyes, onto the floor, in my demise, as I shiver once more

Torturing my mind, tormenting my body, open my eyes, I want to see

That radiance You gave me, that love I once felt

That night I had a gun to my mouth, but instead in prayer, knelt

Begging for You to save me, to free me from these chains

Hope that my life would never be the same

As it was that night with that gun in my hand

But I’m lost again, on that familiar land

I can’t hear Your call, I’ve fallen too far

I’m crying for You to heal these wounds and scars

But each time I look at my arm, my heart sinks deeper within

As I remember that night I broke away from Him

Stabbed too deep, drawing out my blood

From that crimson steel I’ve learned to love

But hate so much for it’s tearing ability

Tearing me away from You, though You have a hold on me

And I’m not dangling off the edge anymore

I’ve finally fallen harder than I’d ever done before

Screaming at the ceiling for Your saving grace

Wiping tears off my pale, expressionless face

But I can’t be angry with You, so perfect and precise

I can only hate what I’ve done with my own life

You’ve forgiven me, You’ve thrown it to the wind

And don’t recollect what I speak of these sins

But I can’t forget, I try and they haunt me

Lingering inside my mind, as I struggle to be set free

Back into the light You shined upon me long ago

Before the attack of this wretched foe

That has brutally conducted his force upon me

Binding me up, in dark chambers; I’m my own enemy

And he’s using me against myself for his control

But somewhere, You’re still the Heart of my soul

I’m struggling to get my face off the ground

But to these chains, I’m too strongly bound

And I know You’re shedding a tear for me

As I cry helplessly for You to set me free -