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Grandma Got Her Throat Slashed By Santa Claus



Grandma got her throat slashed by a guy in a red suit

Walking in the alley behind the Pub, Christmas Eve

You can say there's no such thing as Santa

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.



She'd been drinking too much Ole Granddad

And the bartender begged her to call a cab

But she popped a few pills

Staggered into the door, leaving more than just a scab.



When they found her Christmas morning

At the scene of the crime, with reporters giving a blow by blow

She had her throat slashed and turned over face down,

Someone had done bent poor Grandma over after letting all her blood spill into the snow.



Grandma got her throat slashed by a guy in a red suit

Walking in the alley behind the Pub, Christmas Eve

You can say there's no such thing as Santa

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.



Now we're all so proud of Grandpa

He's been taking this so well

See him in there watching Debbie Does Dallas

Drinking beer, and playing Twister with cousin Nell.



It's not Christmas without Grandma,

All the family's dressed in red

And we just can't help but wonder,

Should we open up her gifts or bury them with the dead?



Grandma got her throat slashed by a guy in a red suit

Walking in the alley behind the Pub, Christmas Eve

You can say there's no such thing as Santa

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.



Now the goose is on the table

A toast being made as we all take a swig,

And there is that blue and silver candle

Was Grandma's favorite when she was behind closed doors squealing like a pig.



I've warned all my friends and neighbor's

Better watch out for yourselves

They should never let a man loose

Who wears red suits and plays in gingerbread houses with elves.



Grandma got her throat slashed by a guy in a red suit

Walking in the alley behind the Pub, Christmas Eve,

You can say there's no such thing as Santa

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.



PR 12-21-04