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I lay alone in my bed

curled up tight in a ball

feeling unloved worthless and small

all my attempts to be with you seem in vain

of all the tender and basic emotions

I can only tap into the pain

I guess you really don't care for me

I was a decorated fool to think you just might

my head and heart meet in a shutter of misery

my sickened soul takes a foul bloodletting

in this emotionless fight

your sweet pale face is so easy to bring to

mind's view

your enticing mouth beguiles me

as your dazed blue eyes take on a wild and

passionate hue

you make me ache to my very core

my head hurts

my stomach won't accept food

and my heart is torn and sore

my hand has the shakes so unbelievably bad

the fear of your laughter and scorn

keep me silent to the truth as to what I have

I tell you there is another to save some face

besides, if you really knew he was you

I'd be an unwanted disgrace

Its probably my fault for letting everything

get out of hand

this must be, "The Year Of The Fool"

lord knows I'm at the front of the line standing

first in command

how can you be so cold

it's so unfair

my soul is dampened in bottled torture

and needing extensive repair

yet still I see you in flickering shadowed light

and maybe, just maybe you see the opposite

you see me in the darkened and dismal firelight....

(written Jan 3,1991)