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I'm getting so fat

I look and feel like an over fed pig

my dieting is a total fake

like that of a bald man wearing

a mismatched and cheap wig

still I eat

and myself I have been known to repeat

I know I am fat

but I'm even more weak

I know by now you're laughing so hard that you

can barely speak

one day I know I'll be sleek

like a predatory  cat

then I won't be called "FAT"

no longer like a pig

I will refuse to be big

scratch the word big and replace it with

humungous

but I don't know anything pertaining to that

that could rhyme with humungous

how about fungus?

but what does fungus have to do with a diet

I don't know but it fits, so for rhyme's sake

I'll try it

lord knows I need to lose weight

sixty or so good porker's pounds

If I could only do so with such

prideful leaps and bounds

I'd take off inches of those mammoth like

cellulite mounds

I guess tubby the tundra me should close this whiny

satirical potty mouth

so I can go off into my dark little corner of

unhappy content pigdom to pout

then cheerfully suck down some sixteen twinkies or somewhere there about

and then if I choose to take a lover on I'll have to  starve myself before I start to scout about

no doubt.........

(written Jan  31,1991)