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Hopeless
Hopeless
When I feel like my change is hopeless, what is the meaning to want to help others change? Do I feel like im just a brick wall to talk to? Do I feel like a person that is there for support? But what is support when I get yelled at and vented to? When suicide is used and sounds like a deteriating motive to get out of situations is that healthy? Am I suppose to feel like I am the reason for those feelings? What is the meaning of help? Sometimes I wanna look at god and say what is the meaning of life? Is suicide a natural selection cause to bring stability to our Earth? Why is suicide such a vile but useful tool to end regrets and sufferings that happened in our pasts that are creating our future? Sometimes I feel hopeless in that maybe trying to help someone who is going through depression, and suicidal tendencies is useless, and makes me hopeless and the reason for such actions to occur… My deep thoughts are presented by real situations and real stories. I don’t know if what I’m doing is helping even though I am being told I am liked and wanted, but every instance seems to get worse. Is love the only thing that stops someone from losing their mind and throwing in the towel? Why are feelings of reason so hard for people with trauma? Why can’t questions be as easy to answer as they are to ask? Life feels hopeless sometimes, but I take it one negative aspect as a time. Sometimes I feel like when people tell me they want to end their life, I feel hopeless, because my lack of empathy is so useless in a relationship where the partner is going through emptiness. Someone please tell me what to do…. I’m lost and wanting a feeling of fulfilment. Hopeless is the only thing I feel when I am with the depressed soul next to me. When I think of hopeless I think of times where no other route is a positive direction to fix a solution. Why can’t everyone be happy? Why do people have to be jealous and hurt people to the point that one wants to feel compelled to take the soul that they have been given by god? Is gods wishes for someone to go through hell in their life their only ability to grow stronger? Because if so, I haven’t fucking gone through it… But why should I have a privileged life over others? Why should I be the lucky one to go through something so privileged and positive, with possibilities that are endless. Meanwhile others suffer a disease that makes them want to take away the gift that they have been ultimately given called life. I guess I gotta lot on my mind, a lot of thoughts that may not sound healthy, but feel hopeless. A lot of feelings that may seem like a great motive with great energy, but soon turn into flames that ruin and bring up flashbacks of hell that one has gone through in their past… I don’t know maybe i’m becoming hopeless trying to make someone happy and love is just an illusion with an inevitable end of agony.
“Agony is the price that you pay in the end” - Pantera
