What Phoenix May Rise

I thought you showed me the truth of my weakness

I thought you drew out the reality at my core

how little it takes to paint me

so absolutely pathetic

I thought you demonstrated to me

through me

That even at our best (yet)

We are never more than a couple faltering steps away

from tumbling head-first

into the darkest part of our own shadows

I thought you showed me that all my good

was nothing more than a flimsy facade

things superimposed upon who I actually was

by my loving father

by the stability of home

by the safety and opportunity sprinkled all around me

I thought you showed me how brittle I really am

how my strength was nothing more than skillful slight-of-hand

a clever illusion created by the comfort of my childhood

I thought

but

well

fuck that

Now

I know

that I have discovered the deepest of truths

I have lived the profound depth of my capacity for love

(Not love for you, specifically, per say

rather

love for something living

love for something with a soul

especially a soul in suffering)

I have known what it is to swallow venom

and perspirate compassion and understanding

to water the weeds that are trying to choke my vine

hoping you will see that the scarcity you imagine

is nothing more

than a terrible lie

I have known what it is to stumble under the weight of my own pain

and still offer to carry your load

and though my muscles still ache with the strain

it did not break me

I have known what it is to watch the darkness that plagues you

overflow

and drain all color to the very edges of life

and I know that I tired endlessly

the best I knew how

to repaint your canvas

first

I will be the last to pretend that my motives were always pure

They were almost always tainted with self-interest

Self-interest born of self-loathing

Of a desire to be proven wrong

to be loved without the burden of loving myself first

And you

of all people

feel this

You eat with it

drink with it

sleep with it

Don't think I didn't notice

This is a demon that we both have fucked

But let's be real about our differences

the morning after...

If the chains are blind hope

Then understanding is the key

The clumsiness of an infant's first steps

Is never used to judge the promise of its future

I am learning to refine the wisdom I had not yet mastered in its entirety

of putting myself under the microscope

before examining you

that is

if I am alone in this endeavor

if both of our fingers are pointing at me

and if this self-analysis finds only fault without beauty

then I am acting the hypocrite playing the fool

and all lies beget bitterness

I have learned that optimism and love without discernment

are nothing more

than tomorrow's fix

And I have learned that all I imagined to be weakness

was simply unrefined greatness

placed in the hands of one who was not yet strong enough to hold it

I may be a messy, chaotic sea

And sometimes it feels as if you were an oil spill

Poisoning my coral reefs

But if you were oil

Then leaving you was the striking of a match

Now watch me drop it

4 July 2020 - 7:19pm — J-9THXCIV

I applaud the way that this

I applaud the way that this poem's metaphor seem to easily and naturally flow into, or out of, each other. You have a very smooth line, short or long, and your variations on it strike me as musical.

J-9thxciv (J 9th 94)

4 July 2020 - 7:31pm — OliveMarie

What a beautiful compliment.

What a beautiful compliment. Thank you

5 July 2020 - 12:03am — J-9THXCIV

And what a beautiful use of

And what a beautiful use of metaphors in your poetry.

PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

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