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It's just like all those other nights.

Sitting here alone.



The wind howling outside my windows,

The moon illuminating the snowy ground.



I always fall back into this place...



Stories or films,

Maybe I just want that fairy tale movie.



Maybe I silently pray that certain things are true.

There is this one man out there,

That will open up the door.



But I look at myself in that shattered glass.

And I hate what I see.



I know what’s wrong with me,

But I refuse to change.



I blame my problems on the world,

And the worlds problems on myself.



I know that,

But I can't change,

I refuse to try.



Instead here I cry.



Every night I question if I want to wake up.

Those long drives to the beach,

Sitting on the snow covered sand,

Watching waves glide into shore.



The drive home,

One sharp turn,

Fall off the side,

Into icy water below.



I always go back and forth,

Yet I am stuck here once more.



Can't sleep,

Can't think,

Can't breathe.



Sometimes all I want,

Is to curl up and die.



Take the razor and watch my blood flow,

Life dripping slowly away.



I want to pick up the gun and finally pull the trigger.



Yet I don't even have the courage to end it all.



Instead here I am,

Alone once more.



Crying silently to myself,

Wasting away in a fantasy,

Night after night.



I just want my only hope,

And my only dream to come true.



And every day,

Every night,

I feel it slipping through my fingers.