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Take a deep breath,

Slowly now.



In and out.

Just one more gasp,

Hold onto your life,

If only a second longer.



My hearting is pounding in my chest,

Blood coursing through my veins.



Feel the shaking in my hands,

Can't stay still,

Can't calm down.



Just breathe,

In and Out,

One more breath,

Let life in,

Let it out.



Why do I get this way?

How did I let it happen again?



Is it their stupid games?



"I hope I didn't lead you on."

Well that's exactly what you fucking did.



You lead me to this point,

That’s all anyone ever does.



And even that’s a lie,

Can't they just say it to my face?



Just tell me the damn truth,

Is it too much to ask.



I'm too fat,

Too stupid,

Too sarcastic,

Too retarded,

Too closed up,

Too fucked up,

Too much for them to deal with.



They can never tell me the truth,

They either disappear,

Or shower me in lies.



My hands keep shaking,

And my heart keeps beating,

But I no longer want to be breathing.



It’s a different day,

A different month,

A different year,

But my story is still the same.



Freaking out for no reason,

And no one’s ever here to listen,

No one is ever around to help.



Then again if they offered a hand,

I'd probably push it away.



Although you may ask,

Is that me?

Or am I just shaking so much you can't grab hold.



Perhaps I am to lost,

Too far gone.



Perhaps I’ve drowned myself,

Dead already,

And only I don't realize it.



Perhaps I should stop taking that breath,

Fight against the urges in my chest,

The pulse slows down,

Blood comes to a stop.



And for just one moment,

My hands stop shaking,

One second of freedom,

Before I must breathe once more.