Life Like This

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2006-07 Poems

Quite shores,

Open doors.

Darkened nights,

City lights.

Smell of regret,

Stains of sweat.

Touching your face,

An old place.

The taste of your skin,

You’re not in.





Cast adrift,

Lost in the sea,

Why's it always me.



Can't ever feel,

Can't fall in love,

Can't care enough.



Everyone,

Liked them,

But nothing more.



You’re not different.

Nothing changed.



Boyfriend?

For what.

To have to deal with stupid calls.

The generic questions,

The sickening game of a relationship.



Why can't I be like them?

Enjoy the stupid conversations.

Who gives a fuck who said what.



What did you do today?

What’s it matter to you.



Why can't I enjoy it like them?

Why can't my life be like that?



Meaningless fluff,

Nothing serous.

Nothing below the surface.

A face on a page,

Nothing more.



You couldn't ask me what I want,

For I don't know,

But I can tell you this is not it.

For that I'm certain.



Why can't I enjoy the meaningless words?

The stupid lies,

The person to call.

He doesn’t get me,

My biggest mistake

Was thinking this would change it...



I wish I could turn back the hands of time.

I regret the day I asked you out,

Because even then I knew this would come...

Even then I knew I’d hurt you.



I warned you,

Told you.



You didn't listen.

To young to naive.

And I didn't have the courage to do it for you...



The sick feeling in the stomach,

The past all over again...

Why.

Why's my life like this?

Why can't I love?

Care,

Do what they all do...



Why don’t they get it?

Why can’t I find it?

Why am I here?

Why do I hurt you all?

Why do I even bother?



Can’t feel anything,

Never happy,

Never sad.

Just here.

Existence.

It’s even more painful,

When you don’t feel anything.



Why can’t you understand?

Why can’t I give up?

Why must I try?

Why did I do this?



Maybe its not why...

Maybe its where...



Where is the man who asks the same questions?

Where is the man who agrees?

And why can’t I find him?

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