Untitled -- 11.5.2006

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2006-07 Poems

A child of light,

A new beginning.



The road beneath their feet,

Can be whatever they want.



They shape their future,

Mold the clay,

Become everything we dreamed.



Look down deep inside,

What am I?

What am I to become?



The only time I’m happy,

Is when I can’t feel anything at all.



Numb.

It isn’t a good way to live.



Move about in a drunken high,

Take a hit,

Lose the base,

Forget the wrongs.

Live in a high,

Till it comes crashing down around you.



I’m not who I want to be,

I can’t stand seeing the reflection in your eyes.



Watching you stare at the failure,

Letting you down,

Even on my knees,

Praying for forgiveness from a god I don’t believe in.



Watch him come crashing through the ceiling,

Riding high,

It ends in blood and tears.

Nothing can last,

No matter how good it feels.



A roller-coaster of emotions,

How to survive each minute.

How to survive the rest of this life.

How to become who I really wanna be.

How to become what I see.

Shed the past,

Shed the tears,

Shed the beer.



Step out of my early grave,

Wipe the mud from my shovel,

And take one last shot.



Drop the weed,

Drop the pipe,

Drop this life.



Uncharted,

Unclaimed,

Unknown.



A mortal child,

The immortal thoughts.



Jump in front of the truck,

That high will never end.

Blackness consumes,

The noose tightens around your neck,

And never lets you go.



Sip it down,

Snort it up,

Swallow it whole.



Can’t stand looking up,

Seeing what I’ve become,

Watching you look at me,

The mess at your feet.



To young to get the ideal,

Or maybe to self-centered to notice.



It don’t matter,

I wrap the wounds in a smile,

Seal it with “Everything’s Fine…”

And you never notice the blood at still seeps through.



A razor on the skin,

A gun to the head,

A jump from a bridge,

A final night,

The last laugh.

The last thought.



The first pass,

Raises the skin,

The second a little deeper,

Finally you hit the vein,

And life spills onto your feet.



The fruit of my desires,

It’s in my grasp,

Yet I can’t take a bite.



I care,

I feel,

But I can’t seem to do it for you.



The longing for someone there,

Every night,

Hold you close,

Never let you go.



The longing to be someone else,

Skinnier,

Hotter,

Smarter,

Normal.



Me.

The reflection I imagine.

The sight of what I wish I was.



I can’t do it,

Not even for myself,

Not even,

Save death.



Hold the gun to my head,

Strip me of everything,

And I still wouldn’t feel.



Happy,

It’s all I desire,

Strive for,

To feel it without aid,

Without the fog of weed,

The mist of alcohol,

The colors of other trips.



Just want to drive,

Run away from my past,

My future.

Everything I hold dear.

Everything I love,

Everything I will destroy.



Before I fall back in my grave,

I’ll make sure you’re all there first.



It’s best to stay away,

Let the ravaged soul stay alone,

In the corner.

Let the red,

Add color to his gray world.

Let him hide from you,

Run from his past.



Let him leave,

But don’t let him take you with him,

No matter what he says.

He’s just dragging you in.



You can’t save him,

If he can’t even do it himself.

Not that anyone’s tried.



Leave him be,

Leave him to cut,

Shoot,

Snort,

Drink.



Let him have his dreams.

Let him fail them every time

Let him die,

And be thankful,

When he can finally sleep.

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