Author Information
Tired
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2008 Poems I'm tired of walking around this stage,
Tired of the lights in my eyes.
I'm tired of the act.
Tired of pretending I'm not falling apart.
Tired of hiding in the disaster.
Not letting anyone see past my eyes.
I hide it so well,
No one would guess,
No one really sees,
The disaster below this skin.
I'm a walking bomb.
Slowly ticking down to the day I explode.
Anger and rage,
Consuming the inside.
An empty shell,
Acting like something’s left beneath.
I fuck up every night.
One more mistake,
One more screw up,
To add to the book of my life.
When can I do anything write.
Always pissing off friends,
Pissing off Professors,
Pissing off myself.
Always something,
Yet it’s nothing good.
Never is there a good story on the news.
Never do you see me smile without trying.
Never do you see me living,
Without struggling.
Falling back to the person I once was.
Slowly dying,
Slowly failing.
Falling deeper and deeper,
This dark hole,
It consumes my mind,
It consumes my life.
Numb with drink,
Blurry with smoke.
Yet the pain reaches back,
And yanks me out of the daze.
Wash it away,
Vodka stings the throat,
As hands slowly strangle the breath from me.
No one understands,
Can't talk to anyone.
They won’t get it.
Some stupid fucked up kid,
Some suburban fag.
Shouldn't be complaining.
He's got it made,
A car,
The family that loves him,
The money to pay for things...
Why is he so pissed off?
Why does he hate the world?
Why do I hate everything good around me?
Tried to break through these chains,
Cut through my legs to escape,
But I’m still here.
Blood spilling onto the floor,
I can’t walk anymore.
Look through the window.
A cool breeze ruffles the hair on my head,
Just want to fly away,
But I’m still here.
Can't bring myself to escape my own hell.
Can't get myself to run away.
Addicted to the pain,
Addicted to the self loathing,
The self pity.
But hate when anyone else cares.
Doesn’t trust a soul.
Wants someone close,
But pushes them all away.
He can't even trust the reflection in the mirror.
The eyes speak of terror.
He fades one more.
Tired of acting like he's under control.
Tired of living a lie each die.
Tired of pretending everything’s ok.
Tired of not knowing what’s missing.
Tired of not knowing what he needs.
Tired.
He's simply tired of acting.
Tired of drawing in each breath.
Tired of drowning the pain.
Tired of being numb.
Tired of talking about death.
Tired,
Tired of the pain.
