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Thoughts to vent
I dont know what to say or do. She says she can see it... she can see us being together again. Do i pretend like i dont hear her? Do i just be her friend? After spending the last week together as even just friends... i miss her. I want her to decide to restart or try again... i want to get a car and get her out of debt. I want to be with the kids everyday. I dont want to have to worry anymore about being replaced. I want to go for sunday drives as a family, and make love to her. I dont want to be with anyone else like i do her. Shes the mother of my kids and the love of my life but ive done her wrong in the past and how do i make up for that? How can i ever expect her to trust me. How can i ever expect her to fall back in love with me someday.... i wiah i knew. I wiah i knew what was to come, i can dfeel it coming, but what if its just because of what she has? What we have....? Even if i didnt have it i wouldnt care... but i do so i cant prove that to her. Shes so strong. So determined... i would do anything to be what she needs me to be. I wish we had just gone back to newfoundland when we had the chance. There are people who will spoil my children there... people who will show my kids the life i never had. Uncles and aunts who actually visit... and grandparents who will have the time to love them. People that will love brittany... even if they hate me at first i will just bear it.... i would put up with it. Its a small price to pay. I just hope she sees the man ive become. Ive learned and ive lost and ive felt pain... and its changed me.
