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Wonderland
I’ve never felt so alone.
Alone…
Being alone feels like I’m falling down a bottomless pit
Drifting further away from reality.
And deeper into despair.
I am often in wonderland
Trying to find my way home.
But I’ve fallen too far.
I’ll sit for hours, even days alone and feel the same as being in a room full of people.
The further I fall the more they become monsters.
I’ve never felt so alone.
Alone…
Trying to climb out of this hole always feels like an impossible task.
As if I’ve fallen too deep to ever escape.
My hopes of escape are growing weary.
I’ve distanced myself so far from people
I doubt they’d even recognize the real me.
The real me is too scary.
I’ve become someone so far from myself, or so far from people’s perception of me
The further I fall the more I become a monster
I’ve never felt so alone.
Alone…
I’ve been screaming for help.
Praying someone will walk by this rabbit hole.
But my shrieks for help must be inaudible.
My hope for recovery shrink as fast as the opening of this hole gets smaller and smaller the further I fall.
There is no escaping Wonderland.
Excellent description
You have described a profound and troubling experience with poetic accuracy. Decades ago, I felt exactly like you did, and I wonder if the disconnect would ever be corrected. Time, a lkttle maturity, and the plain and common busy-ness of life actually cured that for me. I suspect that our culture drives many young people into this condition, although I cannot say why it does so. But you are not alone, as I was not alone, for many of my peers felt the same way, but simply were too proud or to fearful to admit it. You have spoken for many in this poem. Life, however, will catch up and wrest you out of that mood and that perspective.
J-Called