Revolt of My Self

Something so simple

Yet so complex

I wish I could understand

But we are not built for that

We are victims of our developed love

 

Our emotions can strike us down

As effortlessly as a single thought

My memories run wild

From one single smell

Or sight

Or touch

Or sound

Or taste

 

The real sense is pain

The feeling after the thought

Where I know things wont be how I need

 

To be content is a single day

One single moment

When I feel control at my hands

I strive to keep that power

But truly I regret what I’m not

 

My dreams carry me through my daily actions

My notions of a better future

My hopes that one day I will be the perfect man

Is that enough?

 

My tears well up from fear

But I don’t spill a drop

The moment I do is the moment I admit defeat

 

Can I have what I want?

Or will that consume me in another endless fight?

 

Is it fate?

Is it conscious decision?

Is it altruism?

Hedonism, randomness or blind fucking luck?

Will I know when I’m dead?

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